Come Winter

I've come to anticipate many things over winter months; bad weather, stodgy food, hibernation, Christmas (obviously) and men. Yes, men. Every year I smugly prepare myself for the barrage of phone calls from old flames and past conquests creeping out of the woodwork, not to mention the sporadic appearances of 'ex texts', most specifically ones that are so arrogantly blasé. I'm sure many girls will know what I'm on about here when I use the word desperate. A last ditch message from an ex-lover that looks as if it's a round robin, sent to his whole phone book. I recently received a text from a random number (I'll call him Mr. X) saying:

             "One of my new year's resolutions is to finish off what we about it? ; )" 

After ignoring it for days, I received a follow up message saying:

             "Soooo...can I get an encore, do ya want more?! ; )"

Speechless. I'd previously wiped this man's name and number from my phone book, evidently for good reason if he's coming out with lines like that. Just because it's a new year, a fresh start and it's chilly outside you want me to come round and 'warm you up' because you're bored, cold and lonely? Perhaps for many men it's the familiarity, the security of knowing that in fact some girls would succumb to their offensively brazen, desultory requests. Alternatively, maybe it's just plain disrespect and laziness; reluctant to put effort into cultivating a sexual bond with a new lover, men would rather take their chances with an old admirer whose sexual preferences they know inside out. Don't get me wrong,  some men get into contact with an ex for genuine reasons, earnestly proclaiming they've been a fool, realised the error of their ways, and found there's no other girl out there for them, they just needed the space to see it. Call me acerbic but that kind of sincerity doesn't cut it either; any man that dumps a girl to only realise how much he misses her is a ponse. I'd rather be with a guy who knows he's lucky to have me the first time round...not the second and not like Mr. X.

Gladly, it seems my opinion is shared by other women. Over a catch up with my best friend last week, she mentioned that she was horrified by a message from a past fling who had contacted her after months of avoidance.

             "Hey hun, fancy coming round mine later? You can stay over if you want... ; ) x "

Let me clarify, he hadn't talked to her for months, ignored her after they'd split and had previously made every effort to cut her out his life. His first words should have been "sorry for being a dick" or at the very least "how are you?" but alas, this man lacked any morals or self-respect. Honestly, you just have to laugh at some of the ludicrous attempts to re-kindle love *ahem* sex, but saying that, it's also highly insulting. Why? Contacting us on a whim with a cockily hopeful sexual invitation, men either expect women to respond with a desperately resounding "YES!", or they assume that the woman in question hasn't moved on and is sitting at home a la Bridget Jones. Wrong assumption; big mistake.

The solidifying factor that makes me believe such attempts are insincere is the reoccurring pattern. Every winter, every Christmas, every new year, every time it's cold outside- *kaboom!* 'surprise' contact. Messages that are so transparent, they may as well read:

"Hey you, I'm bored, cold, lonely, lazy and after some sex with someone familiar. I have no respect for you, so I thought I'd go ahead and ask."

I'd almost prefer the honesty; at least I know what I'm dealing with. A prick.

Ladies, if you're wondering whether his attempts to contact you again are genuine and you're tempted to re-cycle your men to keep your loins warm during the winter months, ask yourself this question: Come summer will you be hearing from him, or will his commitment towards you vanish like Harry Houdini and be replaced with an insatiable lust for clubbing, debauchery and multiple women? Just look for the pattern and use your common sense.